He goes to the tournament
he carries his tubs
I'm not there to cheer him on.
But I know what he's doing....
he's drinking his Whoopass
fast, so he can still catch the round
One hand on Dr Grip & one on Emma Tub
He'll get perfect speaker points today.
When he thinks of me, he'll smile and keep spreading
The Nooker he made happy today 

How can you hate Cross-X?
How can you hate the round?
How can you hate the sound of evidence...
He loves Debate more than me.

I'm home in the evening with a cat on my lap
and a Guinness for company
But this is the first time...
I swear it's the first time 
that I'm talking to nobody
This Nooks not debating, and isn't anarchistic
They see his polish on my nails like a brand
But there's a store in Woonsocket
where they sell Jones soda 
and a Nooker who might understand

How can you hate Cross-X?
How can you hate the round?
How can you hate the sound of spreading?
He loves debate more than me.